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Lorde got real with her fans in a new update this week. On Wednesday, September 20th, the singer revealed she's "living with heartbreak again" in a lengthy personal letter that was emailed to her fans. Lorde started off by saying she had written another letter but admitted that she "didn't tell the truth." She went on, "So I’m starting again, gonna type and not look back, and send what comes out," per the Lorde Email Mail Archive Tumblr.
"I’m living with heartbreak again. It’s different but the same," Lorde shared. "I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember. I’m not trying to hide from the pain, I understand now that pain isn’t something to hide from, that there’s actually great beauty in moving with it. But sometimes I’m sick of being with myself. I eat chocolate to try and manipulate the endorphins, bring back the sweet happiness of Easter morning. I sit in the time machine and wait for it to move, but it hasn’t been invented yet." The singer also revealed that she pulled out of Paris Fashion Week after sharing that she's "gotten sick half a dozen times" and "stopped taking" the "little yellow pill I took every morning for thousands of mornings since I was 15."
Towards the end of the letter, Lorde added that her recent European festival tour helped her "get out of my head." During one of the performances, the singer played a couple of new, untilted songs for the first time. You can read Lorde's email update in full here.