Don't Do That: Use Vibrating Anal Beads to Cheat in Chess

There’s been a LOT of drama in the chess world so buckle up for this one. Last week the chess World Champion Magnus Carlsen, whose parents accurately predicted his future status and obviously named him accordingly, withdrew from a HUGE chess match because he claims his opponent, Hans Neimann, has been cheating! But how in the hell do you cheat at chess, right?? Everyone is watching you, you can’t just pull out a computer and look up the next best move in front of people. But someone else could. And they could transmit that message to Hans. But how. and this is the fun part. Because the leading theory suggested by the chess grandmaster, is that Hans may be using vibrating anal beads. But I don’t really understand how that he’d get away with that either! It’d be like *buzz buzz* "...Knight to E5."

We can’t wait to see how this unfold but in the meantime, if you’re thinking of using vibrating anal beads to cheat in chess, maybe instead Don’t Do That.


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